Late Night Writing/Music

24 Jan

Last week I found out my classmate also failed the same course that I did. I could not resist, but I had this selfishness inside of me. I was actually happy, because we can stick together with the same schedule and graduate together in the future.

A few days later she double checked her marks with the instructor. The instructor made a mistake with her marks, she actually passed the course and can graduate on time. She was super happy with the good news, but for a slight moment…….  I was disappointed. The devil caused me to think the wrong way. I had to overcome the work of the enemy and remind myself. This was a miracle from God and she definitely deserved the blessing. Even though I did not experience the miracle myself, but I should be happy that she did and be proud of her.

On a side note: I love old songs, remind me of the past, the first time when I heard the song.

Sarah Mclachlan – In the Arms of the Angel. Sad, yet peaceful.

A Gift

4 Jan

Today, I’ve been trying to focus on my studies, because my exams are next week. It is an extremely difficult thing to do during the holidays. I needed some strength and energy to fuel me, so I thought about the most powerful force in the universe……that is love.

Love is a gift to mankind, this driving force has the ability to change things, move things, it has absolutely no boundaries, and my Lord Jesus possess all of it. He also gave me this power for good purposes.

Some brothers invited me for a little celebration at church last night. I honestly did not want to go because of exam period, and previous bad celebration experience at church. But I thought about the topic Love. I thought about a special brother who tried so hard to make up a story to get me coming. I thought about another brother who tried to invite me for lunch. I had to go at least for them, if not for myself.

I know how hard it is to organize someone’s birthday. I’ve done it a couple of times in the past years through baking and making surprises. Love does not ask for anything in return, it is a self less gift given freely. You just want that person to be happy and know you care. That was my goal of baking and celebrating for my friends.

At times, I can be a very laid back person. When I’m serious, I have great expectations for myself and others. As for birthday celebrations, for people that I care, I do my best. In doing so, I try hard to remind myself not to expect any rewards, to be selfless.

As a receiver, I know I must do the same, so I had to show up last night and thank them personally for the ones who care for me. It’s a very difficult task, but I’m still learning how to love my God, family, and friends. I know I have limits and flaws, but I will keep reminding myself.

Today is my birthday. It is a day not really intended for me, because it is a special day to remember my mom. She had to painfully give birth to me so that I can come to this world. Even though she is busy at work, she texted me for the second time, saying happy birthday. This is special because my mom does not really know how to text and use modern technology.

Act of Kindness

26 Dec

For this Christmas, I excelled, I achieved something that I have never done before. I wrote Christmas cards and gave out gift cards to many family members and friends. Even though I have given out cards to brothers at church before, but never have I wrote one to my family and friends.

Also, I bought Mcdonalds to a couple of homeless, I just felt like I had to do it because of the motivation from the”26 acts of kindness” online campaign. I felt emptied during this time, and I just wanted to do something good for the community to relieve my emptiness.

I was desired to express my thankfulness and appreciation for the people around me. I was not looking for returns in materials, but only a cheerful respond that they liked what I did for them. The biggest return was their valuable time that they spent and talked to me.

The biggest factor from my achievement was writing to my family. I wrote to my cousins, I cherished the time we spent with one another, especially the fact that we grew up with one another was something so special you couldn’t find it anywhere else. I wrote to my mom and grandmother, I thanked them for their numerous support and raising me, in Chinese. For the first time I wrote to my mom and grandmother and thanked them. It was something very difficult for me, it felt harder than writing an exam.

I love the holidays, the time where I don’t have to study, where I can freely enjoy what I do. Therefore I need to get out of school ASAP. Please pray for me that I can really pass all my courses this term and the following term and get a good job.


Pain and Suffering

23 Dec

With the extra time that I have over the Christmas holidays, I’ve been thinking about numerous topics, such as pain and suffering. This connects to some of the current news, and to reflect on some of my past experiences and memories. This is what I found with the help of post and videos from the internet.


Why are their pain and suffering?

The biological reason is to alert us for danger and protect us in the process. It’s a common reasoning that many people know now.

Pain and suffering truly reveal who we really are. Life is easy when things are going well for us. But everyone encounters problems and  how do we react to it? The problem results in some sort of pain and suffering.

When my grandma passed away during this summer, my family was in grieves. But during this time, it made my family closer and care for each other. My dad and step mom left their work and flew back from Nunavut for the funeral. My dad and his brothers rarely talk or see each other, also they had some business issues in the past. But over the lost of their mother, they were able to put aside their conflicts and come together to love one another. This is the power of love.

I also get to see my cousins which I also rarely see through out the years. We organized dinner, trips to Seattle, shared tears and laughter. It was definitely amazing and I cherished all of it. Through pain, we learned valuable life lessons. These lessons and experience can be equipped to us to help others in the same situation. It’s definitely important to know how to respond to tragedies in a way that can benefit all of us.

There is hope

20 Dec

I have been really stressed this term,  so stressed that I ignored a lot of phone calls, text, and people. When I’m under stress, I just don’t feel like interacting with others, unless I feel comfortable. My main goal is to finish school ASAP, at all cost. I can not delay my schedule any more. I have to get out of school, and start a new life.

On my last week of classes, something stroked me while surfing on the internet. The shooting in Connecticut was all over the news, listening to the witnesses and testimonies from victims of families and friends were heartbreaking. I could not imagine such evil had taken place.

This tragedy has me thinking a lot again, thinking outside of school. It is yet another reminder for me to be thankful and do something about the people around me, also the community, and even the world.

Everyone in America is in grieves and pain, but today I came across something special, a glimpse of happiness and hope. There is a campaign called “26 act of kindness” going on online and around America. . Suddenly, everyone is being united because of this tragedy, it has everyone to start caring for others again, besides themselves or just their families. Doing a simple act of kindness to another stranger on the street really changes the atmosphere, it makes us more “human”.  It can be anything, as simple as helping a lady cross the street. Reading the post from others, really touches my heart. People were buying lunch and coffee for strangers on the street, leaving gift cards behind, donating to orphanage across the globe. Not just from 1 person, but hundreds and thousands are starting to participate. Indeed, it’s something special, especially around  Christmas time.

Yes, there are a lot of horror in this world, horror in the corners and around the world that we can’t possibly imagine. But there are still many good people. Evil shall not be taken over all the goodness that God has created. I constantly need a reminder, this movement or energy from everyone is a good reminder for myself to get out of my shell and start doing something good again. I am going to do the act of kindness, I am not going to put a number on it because I don’t want it to be a burden, something that I have to achieve because of it. I want it to be a big reminder for myself, and not have a limit on the act of kindness.